The Celtic Cross That Opened My Eyes

Deck: The Divine Tarot

Question: What is my current situation? (General)

Spread:                   3          10
                         5 1X2 6       9
                              4           8
                                           7

Cards:
1) Heart of the Matter: The Tower
2) Hindrance: 6 of Coins
3) Conscious Thoughts: Knight of Coins
4) Unconscious Thoughts: The Emperor
5) The Past/Receding Influence: 10 of Wands
6) The Future/Coming Influence: King of Swords
7) My Influence: 2 of Sword
8) External Factors: 3 of Cups
9) Guidance: 10 of Cups
10) Outcome: The Fool
11) Shadow: Queen of Coins

Comments: This was something I threw out when I was in a terrible mood, and was mentally blocked, unable to read anything. The reason why I post this is because I understood the spread as it showed me aspects of my life that came on that day itself. From now on, I'm also going to try to include a shadow card to each spread, i.e. bottom card of deck, represents unknown factors.

Interpretation: The tower. I definitely was in for a rude awakening. I got sort of close to this girl I know. But then came in this other guy, who seemed incapable. But suddenly the tides changed, something I never believed possible. This crossed by the 6 of coins, gives me the impression that I was unsure if I wanted to go through with her despite, or simply lay low. A friend of mine had an interesting interpretation to this: 自己自身难保还拔刀相助, meaning I can't even protect myself, yet I still try to protect others. In a sense this is a bit more general, that I want to help people with the tarot yet I can't even help myself......

Knight of Coins, not much to comment on. My first interpretation is that I am unsure of how to use my resources.

The Emperor in this spread is my father. More on that later.

In the past I was the man in the 10 of wands, always trying to achieve too much. this burden, I have carried on to my present. In the future though, I will be in more control of my thoughts and logic, which means fewer self-sabotaging thoughts.

How I seem myself, the two of swords. Blinded form what is, and blocked off from it as well. As to how others see me, I'm not sure of an interpretation yet, generally a cheery and easy to talk to person?

Advice, 10 of cups. Here is where stuff gets good. 10 of cups is generally a family card, but I really can't stand my family. Yet I was so upset that I simply had to cry to my father (the emperor! Apparently someone I yearn for). And as he spoke I suddenly gained clarity as to most of the events that lead up to where I was now (the 10 wands I carried from before up till now). And then, his exact words, we can correct everything, and then start anew. The fool, anyone?

An unknown factor is the 10 of coins. My first thought was, is this a side of her? Probably not. All I could say is that she's someone I know but haven't fully realised what we are.

Interesting spread.

Notes: When I laid this out, the tower crossed by 6 of coins most caught my attention. Later that day, when I was to do a 1 card reading to see if a friend would turn up, 6 of coins was a jumper, and I picked the tower!!!

A Realisation From The Unconscious

Deck: Rider Waite Smith

Question: What is the main source of depressive feelings currently?

Spread:                   3          10
                         5 1X2 6       9
                              4           8
                                           7

Cards:
1) Heart of the Matter: The Lovers
2) Hindrance: The High Priestess
3) Conscious Thoughts: 2 of Cups
4) Unconscious Thoughts: The Empress
5) The Past/Receding Influence: 8 of Swords
6) The Future/Coming Influence: 5 of Cups
7) My Influence: 8 of Wands
8) External Factors: Knight of Cups
9) Guidance: Knight of Wands
10) Outcome: 9 of Wands

Jumpers: None

Comments: I've been growing a bit more upset, which means greater realisations. I've come back to believing that my belief system causes me my greatest hindrance, and it shows in the spread!

Interpretation: Heart of the matter we have the lovers, communication with others. This is what I wish to improve on, and here it is crossed by unconscious factors! Probably my poor belief system is to blame. The belief that I can never communicate well. The belief that I will not attract love. the belief that I was born to be alone. And so many more......

Conscious thought preoccupied with 2 of cups. Indeed, I am consciously looking for love. And am not doing well finding it. Failure to seize multiple opportunities with Nat is something that has hauntingly replayed in my mind since forever. I get very short but frequent bursts of negative emotions when I'm tired, and most of them come from recalling such failures. But maybe, love is not exactly what I need. The empress suggests that I am unconscious of my real want, which is simply feminine care and love. Not necessarily in a sexual or romantic way I guess, just, care. Quite true, seeing how my mother was the one who drilled me with these poor beliefs and debauched my anima. Maybe a change in thinking would help.

With deeper insights, comes liberation from restricting thought. This realisation of my true need takes me 1 step, no matter how small, towards full enlightenment. Influence of 8 of swords is slowly but surely receding. What is to come, however, is but disappointment, sad to say. In hopes my expanding my relationships with another, I may face rejection. Maybe a search for relationship rather than simple affection is the problem. Yet if this disappointment means being liberated from my depressing beliefs, I would gladly receive a thousand rejections from a thousand different Nats. (Maybe a thousand is too many :P Lets say a hundred?)

8 of Wands is one of those few cards still posing a problem for me. I guess here, I see myself as someone who is rash? Hasty? Constantly working without rest (more likely 10 of wands)? I'm not clear. Knight of cups is now others see me, and I can't blame them for seeing me that way. The way I behave around Nat, after that incident, its just abnormal. I always look so distressed and uneasy, and most of the time I actually am!

Advice is to turn that knightly volatile energy into creating change. Just do it. I'm not sure how, though, and the outcome of it shows me as the man in the 9 of wands, injured but still standing proudly. I guess that expression of suppressed energy would relieve depression a fair bit. 5 of cups as an incoming influence may be what leads to the 9 of wands, in which case, may not be a completely bad thing...... Perhaps the knight of wands is telling me to hasten this process? Yet I am laden with fear......

Conclusion: A depression question becomes to directed towards Nat and love in general. Definitely a root cause. I ain't sure how to follow advice to become a knight of wands, so maybe I should start small, with my beliefs and focus. Or maybe by just doing it, I would resolve those issues? Dilemmas......

Deck Interview: The Divine Tarot

Deck: The Divine Tarot

Question: An interview of the deck

Spread:             6
                       4 5
                        1
                       2 3

Cards:
1) Characteristic of the deck: The Devil
2) Weakness of the deck: 3 of Swords
3) Strength of the deck: 4 of Wands
4) What the deck can teach me: Death
5) How can I best learn from the deck: The High Priestess
6) Outcome of using the deck: 5 of Coins

Jumpers: None

Comments: I know its quite soon, but I got a new deck! The Divine Tarot, an amazingly beautiful deck. I've always thought Ciro Marchetti's work was wonderful, and I was really stuck between this and the Gilded Tarot (maybe next?).

Interpretation: At first sight, this doesn't look pretty at all. Characteristic of the deck is the devil, now shit gets real. So many things I can think of right now. The deck tempts me and plays me. The deck tends to show the sad predicaments of the querent. The deck is more material than spiritual. Gosh I knew the answer. And what to do with this deck......

3 of Swords as a weakness. This suggests to me that the deck is not so apt at handling sorrowful issues. And seeing how it proudly claims itself the devil, I'm not surprised at all by this......

4 of Wands in this deck shows a desolate wasteland, and 4 erect wands form a region where life flourishes. Not your standard RWS image. Reading the companion book, I learnt that this card is still of celebration, but one being able to celebrate despite horrible times. With all the darkness the previous two cards, this message is much welcomed, as it tells me there is still hope for balance.

The lesson the deck wants to teach me is death. Probably how to handle inevitable change and the end to good things. Ironic, as the devil is about obsessions and entrapment......

To learn from the deck, I must be like the high priestess, be in tune with my HGA.

Outcome, 5 of Coins. I don't really have an explanation for this. And then I realised that it's not me in the card. The beggar sticks her alms bowl out to me asking her help. I guess it means I would be able to help people through their insecurities through this deck.

The devil, though, still disturbs me. I guess only time will tell what it means. Overall, this deck seems like one who isn't afraid to reveal the darkest aspects of life......

Update 26/5/13
I think I understand what the devil means now. It is trying to show that the deck is so beautiful that it is alluring, and tends to get people attached to it very easily. Today, my friend spilled water on it. Just a little, on the edge. I got so upset for the whole day until I bought my rose quartz, which made me feel a little better. Now even though only a barely visible bit of wrinkles are on the card, I still feel upset by it. Devil, devil, devil......

Holy Guardian Angel 1

Deck: Universal Fantasy

Question: What is the message of my holy guardian angel?

Spread:          234
                     516
                     789


Cards:
1) Attitude or expectation of HGA: The High Priestess
2) 9 of Pentacles
3) 4 of Swords
4) 4 of Chalices
5) The Moon
6) The Emperor
7) The Devil
8) 9 of Chalices
9) 9 of Swords

Jumpers: None

Comments: Just to see what my HGA has to say to me, if he does exist. Somehow, after one look at the spread, I being to think he does. Firstly, I see three 9s and two 4s. (3, if you count the emperor) Also, chalices and swords appear in 4 and 9, and each card of the same number appear beside each other. Best part, the cards nearest to the HGA significator (The Emperor) carry the strongest message, and these 4 cards are the ones nearest to the HGA!

This is how this spread works. Card 1 shows your mindset and attitude towards your HGA. From the surrounding cards, a major arcana or court card is the HGA significator, selected by intuition. The other cards are messages from the HGA, and those closer to him carry more weight.

Interpretation: Card 1 is the high priestess. The high priestess represents a woman with a high level of connection with her own HGA, And possibly it might seem I expect my own HGA to connect with me well. That, I think it did, looking at the arrangement of this spread.

Of the moon, the emperor and the devil, I think the emperor is my HGA in this case. Though the devil and the moon have played big roles in my tarot life, it doesn't seem like they are my watchful angels.  The moon is under the sign of pisces, my star sign, and has been showing itself many times with this deck. The devil made a grand appearance by showing itself to me 3 times in 5 seconds quite recently. He gave me a complete shift in my mindset that I saw through some desires that kept me bound. In contrast, the emperor represents the control and dominion that I seem to be lacking in my life currently.

The first thing that catches my eye is the three 9s and the three 4s. What are the odds, really? Plus, swords and chalices both appear in 4 and 9, all 4 near the HGA. The two 4s are positioned above the HGA, and the two 9s are positioned below the HGA. I get an overall good feeling about 9 of chalices and 4 of swords, but a bad one with 4 of cups and 9 of swords. I think my HGA is suggesting a switch of some kind between emotions and thoughts. The way I see it, 4 chalices are not enough, and 4 swords are too many, hence the need for the switch. The two 'bad' cards form a vertical line with my HGA, and the two 'good' cards form a vertical line with my thoughts of my HGA.

At the bottom row, the 9 of chalices, typically meaning happiness, is found in between the devil and the 9 of swords. Not only does it look ominous, if you were me, it's very appearance is ominous. Two days ago, using my thoth, I did a two card reading on my current life. The two cards, well, you probably guess them. Now they come again, together, suppressing my happiness card. Much work has to be done on my highly restricting thoughts.

The leftmost vertical row, from bottom up, shows the devil, the moon and 9 of pentacles. Pictorially speaking, I see a huge menacing dragonic demon guarding a gateway to a paradise island. Further tells me I need to stop my habits restricting me.

Overall, "Fight the devil" is the message from my HGA. The 9 of swords and 4 of chalices also seem to reflect depression and alcohol, some of the problems I face currently. I am a little upset that it did not give me a sense of new-found reason to live, so maybe I'll ask for further information.

Question: How can I defeat the devil and what new purpose do I find after?

Spread:             1
                       234

Cards:
1) HGA: The Emperor (Fixed)
2) Problem I face: The Devil (Fixed)
3) How I can overcome the problem: 5 of Swords
4) Outcome and new found meaning of life when overcome: Ace of Wands

Interpretation: The 5 of swords looks ridiculous. A giant wearing a city as its armor. "If the price of victory is too high, it may be wiser to choose honorable defeat" - Little White Book. Honorable defeat? I'm not even clear of this struggle with the devil. What is victory and what is defeat?

The ace of wands seems to me like a promise of creative potential realised, after being freed by the bindings of the devil. Interesting, but seems to give me little motivation.

The Castle with 15 Rooms Trial

Deck: Universal Fantasy

Question: 6 Questions

Spread:           1 2 3 4 5 6
                          7 8 9
                        10 11 12
                        13 14 15

Cards:
1) King of Wands
2) 6 of Swords
3) 10 of Wands
4) 9 of Swords
5) 7 of Swords
6) 5 of Pentacles
7) King of Swords
8) (Not Revealed)
9) 3 of Chalices
10) 9 of Chalices
11) The Fool
12) (Not Revealed)
13) (Not Revealed)
14) Ace of Pentacles
15) The Hanged Man

Jumpers: None

Comments: The spread as in the booklet of the Universal Fantasy Tarot, The Castle with 15 Rooms. This one is different. so I'll have to explain the whole reading.

First, the top 6 cards are drawn face up. The next 9 cards are drawn and left face down. The querent asks a question and opens 1 of 9 cards of his choice. The selected card is then referred to the top six to look for similar attributes.

For the minor arcana, cards of the same suit are compared. The card selected shows the answer, and the cards matched above show alternate answers.

For the major arcana, they are compared to other major arcana. The card with the biggest number holds the most probable answer.

If no matches are found, read the selected card independently, and give it greater emphasis.

Up to 6 cards may be chosen before the cards need to be reshuffled.

This spread is really distasteful to me. Not only does it seperate the major from the minor and the elements from each other, it also requires the reader to answer the question with the interpretation of a single card. Still, the new face down concept is worth a shot.

Interpretation: While choosing the initial 6 cards at the top, I really had the shock of my life. Wands, swords, wands, swords, swords. Thank god the last card was a pentacle! Firstly, the top 6 (maybe I should call this the roof) is filled with so many swords and wands, so much activity! Somehow that idea makes me shiver. Secondly, with so may repeat cards, wouldn't my questions have multiple repeat answers? And the absence of chalices and major arcana show a lack of alternatives.

What is the future of my love life like?
Card 9: 3 of Chalices
Matching Cards: None
Three nude ladies, invoked from 3 cups by a magician at the bottom of the card. The idea of threesomes naturally comes to mind :D The women look sinister, with their dark pale skin and devious smiles. Also by comparison, the magician is so small, as compared to the ladies, and it does not show any interaction between the ladies and the magician. Also, reveling in these images of hot women, I can't help but think of the magician as watching porn, ready to masturbate anytime. General divination is that I would meet many hot women, but nothing solid will come out of it. Fuck my life.

Will I be more confident in future?
Card 10: 9 of Chalices
Matching Cards: None
In the card, the character is a blue lizard-man thingy. He is dressed in fine clothes and has a banquet table behind him, with a wide spread of food on it. The 9 cups are pictured as lamps which illuminate the room. All i can say is that he looks really happy. Confident, most probably. So may of the wants of the lizard fulfilled, food, clothes, house. The 9 of cups in RWS also means confidence anyway, so I don't really see how this could be bad. Which makes me wonder, fulfillment in the absence of love? I'm curious of my future!

How will I do for my A-Levels?
Card 15: The Hanged Man
Matching Cards: None
Worrying indeed. I sense a lot of stress coming up. The man in the card is being dragged across the sky by the bird against his own will. He is fearful and worried about his life. As will I if I do badly for my exams. Worst of all, he is bound and suspended, meaning there is nothing he can do about it. Probably I can't either. Still, this card advises to just let go and not fret over bad results, as some things are beyond control. Studies, however, are in my control.

What will my career be like?
Card 7: King of Swords
Matching Cards: 6 of Swords, 9 of Swords, 7 of Swords
Looks like my future job will be highly logic orientated. The king of swords suggests a leadership position for me, as he wields the sword and rules over others by it. The king also looks very intently at something, hinting that my future job would involve concentration. So much for my ADD.
6 of swords seems to show merchants traveling on a huge ass bird. They carry swords, which, when interpreted literally, means they are trading swords. An entrepreneur selling harmful stuff. Interesting. When viewed symbolically as intellect and logic, it suggests the role of a teacher perhaps, bringing his knowledge to share with others.
9 of swords shows a terrified woman overshadowed by a brute carrying many swords. If my job really involves intimidation of others...... good luck to me. On the other hand, 9 swords confronting the woman could mean using logic to mercilessly defeating the opposition. Debater? Critic?
7 of swords shows a guy with a pretty fancy shield as a weapon. He looks upon a fort encircled by dragons, as though planning to retake it for humans again. This guy is in all rights a hero, which is really contradictory of the 7 of swords in other decks. Am I to become a hero, say a firefighter or a policeman?

How will things with Penus be like in the future?
Card 14: Ace of Pentacles
Matching Cards: 5 of Pentacles
MONEY! Team Penus gets rich! The card shows a large floating platform where people are gathered on, like one huge party we have always been talking about planning when we grow up. Awesome.
The 5 of pentacles however paints a less optimistic picture. The money lies with 1 or some of us, and the others are beneath their heel and boot. Dark days indeed, if they were to come.

How will things with Demeter be like in future?
Card 11: The Fool
Matching Cards: None
The fool sits on green pastures with a field of flowers behind him. He looks calm and at peace. Butterflies flit out of his cap, probably showing that we will think of each other often. Unlike the other fools, this one does not fall off the cliff, but sits at it. His dog companion also does not chase after him. This fool has it well off, and so shall Demeter!

Deck Interview: Universal Fantasy Tarot

Deck: Universal Fantasy

Question: An interview of the deck

Spread:             6
                       4 5
                        1
                       2 3

Cards:
1) Characteristic of the deck: The Hanged Man
2) Weakness of the deck: Knight of Wands
3) Strength of the deck: 10 of Pentacles
4) What the deck can teach me: The Moon
5) How can I best learn from the deck: The Magician
6) Outcome of using the deck: King of Chalices

Jumpers: King of Swords Reversed

Comments: Just got the Universal Fantasy Tarot today, and my is it beautiful! The reviews of this deck however is that it somewhat strays from the mainstream tarot systems, so this might be a bit difficult to interpret. Gonna go with a whole lot of intuition for this one.

Interpretation: The characteristic of this deck is the hanged man. Hanged man is a free and relaxed guy in most cases, but here we have a man getting pulled up by an eagle! He is suspended up in the sky and looks very afraid. Is this deck going to show me things that would drastically surprise me? Damn.

The knight of wands in this deck rides a dragon like a boss. Wands is in the element of fire, fire is the most active element, the knights are very active cards, yet the dragon is not moving. Sounds to me like a kid high on sugar yet not allowed to move around. Weakness? Problems in expressing itself. That's not good at all for a tarot deck. Lets hope its strength can compensate for this.

So for strength, we have the 10 of Pentacles. I see a group of travelers, in some sort of building. One of them is looking far out into the distances. What I guess is that this deck is trying to show me it is far-seeing. I guess this sort of explains why it cannot express itself well, future concepts are too abstract for our understanding. Still, I think I've found my deck for divination.

The Moon. Aspects of our human psyche yet unknown to us. Mysterious and illusory things.The moon of this deck more clearly shows that the two "dogs" are guarding a potentially powerful source of strength, the moon. If this is what the deck can help me to learn, I feel safe to say this deck will be a lifesaver, as it helps me work through my neurosis.

The magician in this deck is seen to wield fire in the shape of a wand. Magicians are all about the use of will to effect change in the world. I think it means I really have to will my deck to show the right cards and interpret the symbols with clear intent.

The king of chalices obviously represents me. Gaining control over the emotional and intuitional parts of me, evident in the manipulation of waves and water to cover up his junk. A serpent can also be seen, showing the strength I gain from this new found power.

Overall, the general feeling I get is that this deck is hard to get acquainted with, but would serve as a deck that would put my emotional side back in order and balance.

Notes: Just as I was staring at the Knight of Wands thinking of an interpretation, the television outside started playing the music "Dragon Rider" by Two Steps From Hell. Serendipity!

Mun Wai and Soccer

Note: Done with 76 cards only, missing The Tower and The Moon. Study this reading at your own discretion.

Deck: Crowley Thoth

Querent: Mun Wai

Question: What is my relationship with soccer, past, present and future?

Spread:      1 2 3

Cards:
1) Past: The Sun
2) Present: 8 of Cups (Indolence)
3) Future: Princess of Wands

Comments: I'm probably just going to alternate between RWS and Thoth. As much as Thoth intrigues me, its tiring and difficult to learn, and the basics of RWS are more appropriate for my level.

Interpretation: The Sun is highly symbolic of the expression of self. From the card, I can tell that soccer was a great part of the querent's life in the past, and could even be used to define him as a person.

8 of Cups shows up in the present. Initially, I thought that the stagnated emotions portrayed by the card showed losing or lost interest in soccer. Yet, upon clarification, I learnt that this was not true at all, and his interest has only been increasing. What the card shows is, rather, The stagnation of his relationship with soccer at present (the question is about relationship, after all). This stagnation is a result of NS and his injury, which has separated him from soccer for about 3 years. 

That clarification brings new interpretations to the Princess of Wands. The princess defeats a tiger, which was inhibiting her before, showing that the querent will eventually recover and return to soccer. The sun on her wand suggests that the querent would go back to the way in the past, where soccer had an important role in his life.

Overall, it tells the story of his life with soccer. He loves the sport, but was forced to stop because of injury, and would eventually return to it with equal passion as before.

General Celtic Cross 1

Deck: Rider Waite Smith

Question: General

Spread:                   3          10
                         5 1X2 6       9
                              4           8
                                           7

Cards:
1) Heart of the Matter: 6 of Wands
2) Hindrance: 3 of Swords
3) Conscious Thoughts: The High Priestess
4) Unconscious Thoughts: The Fool
5) The Past/Receding Influence: 6 of Cups
6) The Future/Coming Influence: 8 of Pentacles
7) My Influence: 2 of Pentacles
8) External Factors: 9 of Swords
9) Guidance: Strength
10) Outcome: Page of Cups

Comments: Rider Waite is now what I will be using as I'm getting kind of bored with the Thoth. And as for the Celtic Cross, I changed the cards 9 and 10 back, mainly because guidance and outcome don't fit nicely on 1 card, and hopes and fears seem to be connected to the conscious thoughts already.

Interpretation: A man riding a horse with a decorated staff, followed by others on foot. The 6 of Wands, this is what I often fantasize about. Growing to power, the honor, rising above common men, the respect, the followers. The heart of the matter indeed is thus with my personal desires.

3 swords that pierce my heart. The 3 of Swords aptly shows that my neurotic thinking is causing much distress, and is a main obstacle on my journey. It obstructs me from my desire to grow to power.

Consciously, I think of The High Priestess, someone who is connected deeply to her higher self and intuition. I myself do think that the solutions to the 3 of Swords lie within the unconscious, and what lies there is The Fool.

The Fool embraces the world with wide, open arms. Unknown to him are the dangers of the world, yet it does not bother him. An individual free of worry, with unshakable faith. He acknowledges the presence of his anxieties yet laughs at their attempts to destroy his ego. This is the kind of spirit I wish to harness.

The 6 of Cups shows receding childhood innocence and good will. I have grown older, and now I take charge of my own life and now let things fall into place. This is probably so from the hurt caused by the 3 of Swords.

Coming into my life is the 8 of Pentacles. With this, I can tell that much work is to be done in the near future. And I accept this, for it is the only way I can excel for my exams this year. Also, with effort applied, I can overcome my own negativity and develop further.

The boy juggling the two pentacles is me. I am trying to strike a balance between academics and personal development, and am struggling to do so. Yet, I have to.

The 9 of Swords. Of course this is how people view me. I have been so openly displaying my distress and hatred for my surroundings, it is only natural that they assume me as being a worrisome fella.

Strength shows me the way towards success. Through endurance and understanding of myself, I can better live my life and overcome my difficulties.

At the end of it all, the Page of Cups shows a person who feels natural and at ease with this emotions. That would be me, in time to come.

As my intention (3) to work with my higher self is put to action (6) in a soft and reasonable manner (9), my energies withing my subconscious (4) can free me from my distress (2) and help me become one with my emotions again (10), fulfilling my fantasies (1).

How can Yuk Chi's story be further improved?

Deck: Crowley Thoth

Question: How can Yuk Chi's story be further improved?

Spread:                          4
                                     3
                                   1  2
                                   

Cards:
1) Character Ray: Prince of Wands
2) Character Chris: Ace of Cups
3) Plot: 2 of Swords (Peace)
4) Guidance: 3 of Cups (Abundance)

Comments: Asking for inspiration for a friend. Not the usual kind of reading. Went pretty well, surprisingly  despite failure at past attempts.

Interpretation: Immediately I see that there is conflict between the two characters. Ray as the Prince of Wands has a fiery attitude towards the decision of Chris, who made the decision on emotional want. Though I had expected Ray to be of a Swords suit, it still sort of proves my point about the tension.

The plot is Peace, so I believe there is some form of resolution between the two characters? The positioning of the cards suggest that each wield a sword, and cross it over the rose, showing some form of unified ideals between the two. That was the sign for me that either Ray should miss home or Chris should hate home. This way the contrast between the characters would also be more distinct, thus becoming more sentimental.

3 of Cups, Abundance. An abundance of emotion and the water element, I feel, so I decided that it would be better if Ray was the one who began to miss home.

All together, the cards really build up a stronger, more tear-jerking story. Cool, the cards can be used this way as well! That is, I promised there would be a lobster dinner if the piece were to win.

Notes: My explanations here may not make sense to some of you as you do not know the story. I think even in the future I might not understand this as well.

General Astrological Spread 1

Deck: Crowley Thoth

Question: General

Spread:                              10  9
                                      11         8
                                   12               7
                                    1                6
                                      2            5
                                         3       4

Cards:
1) 1st House: 4 of Disks (Power)
2) 2nd House: The Hierophant
3) 3rd House: The Moon
4) 4th House: 10 of Swords (Ruin)
5) 5th House: Prince of Cups
6) 6th House: The Aeon
7) 7th House: 2 of Cups (Love)
8) 8th House: Princess of Swords
9) 9th House: 8 of Disks (Prudence)
10) 10th House: 8 of Swords (Interference)
11) 11th House: Queen of Wands
12) 12th House: 6 of Disks (Success)

Comments: Astrological spread. This is a general reading, and one much easier than the rest, as it simply comprises of 12 single card readings.

Interpretation: The 1st House is one regarding expressing individuality. The 4 of Disks accurately describes me, as the person who is highly interested in notions of power. I always like to imagine myself either as a powerful warrior, ruler or wizard. I also took up tarot partly due to the belief that the knowledge from it would make me powerful.

The 2nd House is one of values and resources. Again, the card rightfully shows this. I am now deeply valuing spiritual aspects in living, and use it as a resource to tap into more power and potential. Hence, The Hierophant.

The 3rd House embodies self expression, i.e. communication. The Moon is a card of mystery, and can get confusing at times. Perhaps this is true too, that my Piscean nature gives me a tendency to shroud myself in mystery. Haha!

The 4th House, the home, Ruin...... I hate my family for always quarreling over the most trivial matters. Swords are symbolic of reason and logic, too much of which starts arguments. The deck is really accurate this time......

The 5th House is of creation and recreation, and for this position I have the Prince of Cups. The Prince looks into his cup, which is symbolic of emotions, and out comes a snake, symbolic of creative energy. Creativity from emotions perhaps?

The 6th House is where we become aware of others around us. The Aeon suggests a paradigm shift in this house, which is quite true, I've only been more sociable and aware of others around me around this year.

The 7th House is about forming relationships with others, and to this I get...... Love! Wonderful sign indeed.

The 8th House is about shared resources. Rather strange that I get the Princess of Swords, but I think it shows that my new-found clarity (from the tarot I think!), is being shared with others around me.

The 9th House is a spiritual house, one of religion and philosophy. I like this house, but Prudence? Possible...... I am very careful in selecting which principles and beliefs to adopt.

The 8 of Swords in the 10th House makes even less sense to me. But then again...... I wish to see my outer world one filled with more New Age thinking, but my sharp reasoning tells me people will strongly reject my ideals of it. So, interference from striving towards my goal?

Yup. Towards the end things start to get hazy. The 11th House, one of social interaction. The Queen of Wands, hmm...... She looks quite isolated, with her inward frame, but the rays on her head shows great perception and understanding of the world around her. Sort of me I guess......

The 12th House, the house of secrets. Ooooh. But what does it even mean?! My book says return to the whole, the higher self, karma, and all that spiritual stuff. Now, the 6 of Disks is REALLY gratifying. My spiritual endeavors are being successful!

How can I heal my heart?

Deck: Crowley Thoth

Question: How can I heal my heart?

Spread:             4               5
                                 6
                            2        3
                                 1

Cards:
1) Root: 10 of Disks (Wealth)
2) Symptom: The Fool
3) Symptom: The Hierophant
4) Required: 6 of Pentacles (Success)
5) Action: Lust
6) Outcome: The Sun

Comments: I know it's been quite a while since I updated, but hey, I really lost my tarot mojo these past two weeks. Its not like I didn't want to. Today, I picked up a new book, Tarot Spreads, by Barbara Moore. It gave inspiration on creating new spreads, and contains huge collection of spreads that I never knew of. It also talked on modifying not just your spreads but your rituals to spice things up, which was just what I needed apparently. I did do a reading before this, but I still found it hard to read, as it was a rather vague 3 card spread. This spread is from the book, the Healing Heart Spread. This one I asked about my general emotional situation, which basically means my depression. I flipped the cards open and the message came to me almost instantly, though it was more intuitive than theoretical. But who cares, I can read again! This reading is major dominated, a welcomed sight after the previous reading which had not even one!

Interpretation: This first card was rather difficult to read, but once I did it, it sorta kick-started the whole process. 10 of Disks, wealth. Initially I was trying to make sense of how Mercury tied in to the root of depression, but then I realised that all I needed was the Qabalistic meaning. 10, on the sphere of the Qabalah, is Malkuth, the most earthly sphere, furthest away from Kether. Being in Disks, this makes the card the most earthly of the 10s, which represents the furthest possible point from godliness. Essentially, I have lost touch with a more spiritual and divine side of life, and this is what is causing the depression.

The first symptom, card 2, is The Fool. In my study of the tarot, I have fallen in love with the fool, for it shows faith and vulnerability. Faith is what kept me going till now, and somehow I think the idea of vulnerability brings about a strength I never knew. Perhaps also this depression has clouded my thinking, making me think that life is meaningless so it wouldn't matter what happened to me in the end, making me jump straight into any situation without care of the dangers, like how the divine fool Dionysus is in this picture.

The second symptom is shown by The Hierophant. This is normally one of my problem cards, but at first sight I sort of got the jist of it. It represented my beliefs. Well, some info on my life, to solve this spiritual void that I feel, I have sought numerous solutions. Hedonism, Buddhism, Nihilism, Philosophy, Psychology, just to name a few. Such changing beliefs is a result of searching for a cure.

6 of Disks, did not use any theoratical explanation at all. Upon seeing the name Success, I knew what the card meant. I needed progress, affirmation, etc. to drive me to go on. To make me feel better of myself. Now just to add a bit of Qabalistic theory into the reading, sphere of 6, Tiphareth, is said to be the most godly state achievable in the material world. Tiphareth is also said to be your higher self, whereas Malkuth is your normal self. Thus, is the card suggesting a union with my higher self?

The Lust card. I like the Lust card. It symbolises the strength from expressing your purest, most natural desire. Expression of your natural true self, as opposed to oppression of your personality, like this goody two shoe religions tell you. Indeed, such an action taken will lead me to a greater connection to my higher self, bringing me from Malkuth to Tiphareth.

The Sun concludes this reading wonderfully. The Sun is brimming with energy, masculine fire energy. It symbolises self expression, which is what I predicted to be the result of the Lust card. The Sun can also be seen right above The Fool's crotch, which symbolises sexual creative energy. Tiphareth, which is the higher self, connected with by the means of self expression, is the sphere of The Sun, and thus its appearance in the outcome position gives me great hope.

In conclusion, the general message is to gain a higher connection with the higher self through self expression.

Notes: When typing the first sentence of the 10 of Disks, I made a ridiculous yet synchronicitic typo. "This girl card was rather difficult to read......" How funny.

It's been long since I felt I did a good job for a reading! The main problem I had was with card drawing. I wasn't confident about fanning the cards and choosing some, and the stress of choosing a card wrongly ate into my energy. This time I simply cut the deck and took the top card each time. Didn't refer to any books for this reading so it is truly an intuitive one!

How would my learning of the Thoth be like?

Deck: Crowley Thoth

Question: How would my learning of the Thoth be like?

Spread:                   3          10
                         5 1X2 6       9
                              4           8
                                           7

Cards:
1) Heart of the Matter: 2 of Cups (Love)
2) Hindrance: 4 of Swords (Truce)
3) Conscious Thoughts: Prince of Wands
4) Unconscious Thoughts: 3 of Cups (Abundance)
5) The Past/Receding Influence: 8 of Cups (Indolence)
6) The Future/Coming Influence: 6 of Disks (Success)
7) My Influence: 8 of Wands (Swiftness)
8) External Factors: Queen of Wands
9) Hopes and Fears: Prince of Cups
10) Outcome/Guidance: Queen of Disks

Comments: Good old Celtic Cross spread. Modified the position meanings a little from the ones I started with. Quite a shock to have drawn 10 cards without a single trump though. Might be a little harder to interpret. Don't feel like going into detail......

Interpretation: The 2 of Cups as the heart of the matter was peculiar. What had learning the Thoth had to do with feelings of love? The idea of water, emotion, in its first manifestation. Could it possibly mean that I would learn to see the love in my life, the love which I believe I cannot feel?

Next, the cross, is literally a cross. 4 of Swords, Truce. I always thought that truce was akin to peace, but I've been corrected. Truce merely means stopping conflicts mutually, though the tension still exists. Perhaps there are parts in my psyche that are in competition, that haven't learnt to co-exist? How does this affect love?

The Prince of Wands represents the person I consciously want to be. A brave young lad, wielding the active, burning energy of the fire element, charging through life heroically. Which then made me realise, the reason why I wanted to be in such a position is because it would mean that I had mastery over the masculine energies, and am fully capable of attracting the feminine. If so, however, shouldn't the knight of wands show? Why the air of fire, and not the fire of fire?

Conscious thought, in the element of fire, is contested by the water element of unconscious thought. The 3 of Cups is a further manifestation, from the 2 of Cups. It could be a balance, meaning that I do not actually wish to attract the feminine to fulfill desire, but just to gain a deeper understanding into the elements of water.

When I read about the 8 of Cups, it was described as a terrible plight to be in. Good thing it's a receding influence! The dark and murky waters are about to be cleared, giving me calmness of emotion! These days have been indeed a toll on my emotions, and this is a clear sign to have faith in the world again!

Another assuring card is the 6 of Disks as a coming influence. A superficial interpretation would be that success is on its way. Sixes are at the perfect balance, just above the abyss yet still in contact with the ace below it. Feels like I am on my way to develop a form of stability in my psyche, a stability that will endure many difficulties!

Eights, according to The Book of Thoth, represent the swift, impulsive rush of the idea. It somewhat does describe me now, as I've been furiously trying to inject more fire energy in my life, assuming it's a cure for depression. Yet my unconscious might be trying to tell me that fire is not the way to go. Perhaps this is why I have not seen much progress yet with regards to healing myself?

External influences, represented by the Queen of Wands. The girls in my life, from my perspective, seem full of energy and passion, that it feels, abnormal. Yet another conflicting pair. Opposites try to balance out, so as to reach the Qaballistic Zero. While the girls are so active, I am still injecting fire into my life? Is fire the way to go or not?

My hopes and fears, the Prince of Cups. This card I feel relates to becoming like the Air of Water, but is it a hope or a fear? Fire and water show an interesting conflict with each other in this reading. A conscious desire to express masculinity, contradicted by the unconscious thought which encouraged passivity, and now the direct opposite of the desired court card shows itself as a hope or fear. Still, why not both? A conscious fear of becoming too passive and thus unable to receive love, and an unconscious hope to slow down and feel the love for what it is. Looking at the previous two cards, the dualistic approach is an appropriate way to see this card.

Last but not least, the Queen of Disks. She is one who is well aware of what goes on in her whole existence, physical, emotional, spiritual. This spread does show a lot of contradiction, so I believe she is my guide, urging me to become more attuned to myself and clear this confusion, so that the indolence of the 8 of Cups may recede and the more extremes (Fire, Water) would tone down into the less extremes (Swords, Pentacles)

Overall, I found it a little strange. The question was on learning the Thoth, yet the focus of the interpretation somehow shifted from that to one more closely related to love. Not sure if it's my fault or meant to be. The hindrance by inharmonious aspects of me turns out to be true, as the spread develops into contradictions between the active and the passive. Eventually however, the two will find common ground and achieve the stability of the Disks.

The Unread Spread

Deck: Crowley Thoth* (Forgot to include The Lovers)

Reflection: Ace of Swords
The moment I turned this card over, I felt a negative mood. The picture on the card shows this golden brain illuminating the way, thinning the fog, but what I see is the golden brain, representive of my intellectual abilities, being shrouded by the fog, which represent the other aspects of my psyche. This is partially how I felt today when I tried to over-intellectualize many things today.

Question: What is Kelly's role in my life?

Spread:            1
                      3  4
                        2

Cards:
1) Her role in my life: Princess of Cups
2) The lesson to be learnt from her: The Empress
3) An unresolved issue with her: Queen of Wands
4) Card drawn in horrific reaction to the spread: 6 of Disks (Success)

Interpretation: None - I literally just screamed when I saw the cards. The rage of not being able to interpret anything. I know I can, but some force inside me is just preventing me from it. It's filling me up with anger and confusion. The sight of three women made me even angrier, for some reason. And in this fit of anger I drew card 4, I think to describe the nature of this imbalance of feelings inside me, which just confused me even more.

Question: What is the source of blocking in the reading above?

Spread:     6        3
                       4 1-------5
                          2     7  8

Cards:
1) Representation of me: 9 of Swords (Cruelty)
2) Internal Factor: Queen of Wands
3) External Factor: Prince of Wands
4) Psychological Factor: 3 of Disks (Work)
5) Spiritual Factor: 8 of Swords (Interference)
6) Guidance: 7 of Disks (Failure)
7) Source of Interference: Knight of Disks
8) Being Interfered: 5 of Cups (Disappointemt)

Interpretation: This looks like its going to be a really hard one to do. Yet, a very important one.

5/3/2013: Think I won't proceed with this anymore. Apart from the shitty mood, which drained all my energy, other factors discourage me. Firstly, the deck was incomplete. Secondly, the extreme reaction sort of made me forget the spreads, and what I posted above have several points worth doubting. Not doing to do any deep readings until I recover my lost energy. Sorry guys.

Deck Interview: Crowley Thoth

Deck: Crowley Thoth

Question: An interview of the deck

Spread:             6
                       4 5
                        1
                       2 3

Cards:
1) Characteristic of the deck: 4 of Wands (Completion)
2) Weakness of the deck: The Moon
3) Strength of the deck: Princess of Wands
4) What the deck can teach me: Adjustment
5) How can I best learn from the deck: 10 of Wands (Oppression)
6) Outcome of using the deck: 5 of Wands (Strife)

Interpretation: The 4 of Wands in describing the deck is clear: the deck is complete, bearing images and symbols which can describe any occurrence in the universe, the characteristic of any good tarot deck. This tells me the Thoth was the right choice.

The Moon, in describing the deck's weaknesses, tells me a few things. On the surface level, I see two people, represented as the jackals. Both of them are encased in towers, and are unable to connect consciously. Only subconsciously, as shown by the waves underneath them. I get the feeling that I cannot really read into people using the Thoth, not now at least. From Mirror of the Soul, the jackals are described to be guardians of the narrow path, the path to knowledge. What this means to me is that the knowledge of the Thoth is very subtle, as I have read, and requires me to break through many intellectual barriers to get to them.

The Princess of Wands is probably the only court card in the Thoth that I am confident in reading. The princess slays the tiger, and grows feathers on her head. This is symbolic of overcoming of fear (tiger), which leads to increased energy and perception (feathers growing). Being in the element of fire, I believe the Thoth can help me discover and overcome some of my fears and rediscover the fire element within me, allowing me to tap into its energy and breaking free from depression.

Adjustment is also quite clear here. The Thoth can teach me how to find balance between dual sides, such as integrating intellect with creativity, conscious and unconscious, logic and intuition.

On the 10 of Wands, the power of the 8 of Wands is being held down by two wands, similar to those of the 2 of Wands. A lot of energy is being suppressed, as a result of fear of that energy. The deck has told me that it is complete in the sense that it comprises the totality of the universe, and hence, to fully learn the secrets of the Thoth, I have to break through that fear and realise the totality in myself. Only then can I connect with the deck on the highest level. I could use its strength in the Princess of Wands to free myself from such fear as well. Seeing how the lesson the deck claims it will teach me is balance, it makes sense that I have to free this suppressed side of me and integrate it with my open side in order to achieve a balance.

The 5 of Wands is similar in design to the 10 of Wands. Based on just pictorial feelings, I could say that fewer wands being suppressed, and only 1 wand is left to suppress it. It is, in fact, a direct half of the previous suppression. Being an outcome, this assures me that the energy suppressed within me can find some form of expression. However, there is still the other half that remains suppressed. Perhaps they require other practices besides the Thoth to be released, perhaps another Tarot system or spiritual endeavor.

Which part of myself am I neglecting?

Deck Used: Crowley Thoth

Reflection: Queen of Disks

Question: Clarify the message of the Queen of Disks. Which part of myself am I neglecting?

Spread:               1
                        2    3
                           4

Cards:
1) Heart of the matter: 3 of Swords (Sorrow)
2) The energies I am receptive to/attract: Ace of Cups
3) How I influence my surroundings: The Hermit
4) Guidance: 10 of Cups (Satiety)

Interpretation: I feel extremely distracted and 'out of touch' today. Reflecting upon the Queen of Disks made me wonder, if I were aware of the parts which I had neglected myself. My question is thus to clarify the message the Queen of Disks bears, using a clarification spread from Mirror of the Soul.

The first card, the 3 of Swords, strikes me hard. Neglecting the depressive part of me seemed to be a logical explanation. But purely logical explanations do not complement the Tarot well. So reflecting on a more internal value, I've come to realise that my focus in life was to set my outside world the way I expect it to be, and I've viewed my depression as an obstacle to be obliterated. I failed to realise that such feelings stirring up within my psyche was due to an imbalance within me, and that it came with a message from the unconscious. My direction now, therefore, should not be to make circumstances ideal where my depression disappears, but rather to decipher the code of depression.

The Ace of Cups came to me as quite a surprise. It's been a long time since I drew another ace, and this is the first other ace I drew from this deck. The energies I am receptive to, is love? It seems paradoxical, as a symptom of my depression is that I don't feel love. It is true that I occasionally experience strong emotional outbursts, which could be where the water element in this card is pointing to. Another possible reason could be that my emotional receptiveness makes me more susceptible to the influence of depression, since what the cards have been telling me so far is that I need more fire element in my life to fight the depression.

Position 3 is how I influence my surroundings, and one possible way of understanding this is the impression which I give others. This is not the first time The Hermit shows himself in such a position. I always seem closed off and introverted to those around me (which is true). With such an aloof appearance, I might be unconsciously sending out messages that I wish to be left alone, when what I really wish for is to be more involved and learning how to. Such contradictions could be another factor contributing to my sorrow.

Last but not least, the 10 of Cups offers me its guidance. The advice given in Mirror of the Soul, is to relax and let things develop. Gratitude and thankfulness is something else they state. It's no surprise if greater expression of gratitude can lift up the depressed man's spirits. While the ace indicates a beginning, the 10 indicates an end. Probably what the cards are saying is to collect that emotional energy which I am receptive to and channel it into positive energy via gratitude.

I think the general lesson to be learnt is to pay more attention to the way I feel, rather than the way I should feel, and how the two factors in positions 2 and 3 contribute to the depressive feelings. Position 4 offers me a solution to rectify this area of me, by greater expression of gratitude.

Focus for tomorrow: 3 of Wands (Virtue)

What is my relationship with Natalie like?

Deck Used: Crowley Thoth

Reflection: 6 of Wands (Victory)

Question: What is my relationship with Natalie like?

Spread:                5
                        1 3 2
                           4

Cards:
1) Representation of me: 9 of Swords (Cruelty)
2) Representation of Natalie: The Hanged Man
3) Link/Obstacle between us: The Chariot
4) Our collective unconscious: 5 of Cups (Disappointment)
5) Guidance card: The Hierophant

Interpretation: The message of the 9 of Swords is a clear one. I am being extremely cruel to myself with regards to how I could have been but did not, simply because of inexperience and self-doubt. Each time I put myself down I feel like I've distanced myself from her unconsciously. I subjected myself to lovelessness which is probably the core reason on my part why we did not work out at the start. Even today this bad habit persists, but now I have greater awareness.

The Hanged Man, representing Natalie in this spread, puzzles me. The feeling I get is that she was forced into this 'predicament', one where she had 'no control over'. Ah, perhaps that's how she feels on her side? Being pinned in place (unlike The Hanged Men in other decks, freely hanging) to her was probably seen as an unavoidable fate, but as we tarot readers know, the future is not set in stone. The snake hidden away usually indicates loss of touch with our inner wisdom, which in this case I believe is forgetting her power to take control of life. Heck, I'll even admit, I'm guilty of that too.

The Chariot of the Thoth Deck is one which I have unorthodox interpretations of. Usually when I see this card, the first thought in my mind is that the golden armor is a form of closing yourself out from the world, setting up barriers to yourself. Could be referring to me, or even us both. To go along with what SeeYin said, that I tended to distance myself from others, it makes a pretty strong case. My 'distancing' is usually due to extreme focus on something else. The rider on the chariot, pays little heed to the world outside and contemplates deeply on his inner world (crystal sphere).

Card 4 was drawn because initially, cards 1-3 were difficult to link together. This card was the highlight of the entire reading, the 5 of Cups. Disappointment, in myself and my situation now, I always had. But now the position identifies this disappointment together with Natalie, on what could have been. Difference being that I subjected myself to cruelty and she succumbed to pseudo-fate (possibly?). The two hearts, which probably once faced each other, are now dead, devoid of hope. My heart and hers went into 'cardiac depression' when we messed up. This card made me realise that the current situation was not entirely my burden, but it was hers as well.

I decided to draw a guidance card after card 4, where I suddenly felt that there was still hope for a very deep friendship between us. The Hierophant, a truly enlightened being. For the Thoth deck, the description from Mirror of the Soul was that The Hierophant was one who has integrated the different elements in life. In my jargon, one who has found his wholeness of self. Indeed, the unity of dualist parts of me could result in a greater future. Realising both introversion and extroversion, both cruelty and love.

In general, what I realised at the end was that my question was not about me in relation to her, but rather our relationship as an entity. And hence, my cruelty towards self is not just making me feel horrible, but actually affecting our bond. Her succumbing to fate gave me no opening to approach her in the way I once did.  Our introversion bonded us with a gap, and our feelings were mutual, if not now, at one point of time. And then The Hierophant...... Perhaps the two of us have some aspects of the psyche which we have not come to terms with and should do so with the help of the other? Or that we should look out for the other side of us we have repressed so as to better communicate? The guidance cards have been blur to me......

Focus for tomorrow: Ace of Wands