Deck Used: Crowley Thoth
Reflection: Queen of Disks
Question: Clarify the message of the Queen of Disks. Which part of myself am I neglecting?
Spread: 1
2 3
4
Cards:
1) Heart of the matter: 3 of Swords (Sorrow)
2) The energies I am receptive to/attract: Ace of Cups
3) How I influence my surroundings: The Hermit
4) Guidance: 10 of Cups (Satiety)
Interpretation: I feel extremely distracted and 'out of touch' today. Reflecting upon the Queen of Disks made me wonder, if I were aware of the parts which I had neglected myself. My question is thus to clarify the message the Queen of Disks bears, using a clarification spread from Mirror of the Soul.
The first card, the 3 of Swords, strikes me hard. Neglecting the depressive part of me seemed to be a logical explanation. But purely logical explanations do not complement the Tarot well. So reflecting on a more internal value, I've come to realise that my focus in life was to set my outside world the way I expect it to be, and I've viewed my depression as an obstacle to be obliterated. I failed to realise that such feelings stirring up within my psyche was due to an imbalance within me, and that it came with a message from the unconscious. My direction now, therefore, should not be to make circumstances ideal where my depression disappears, but rather to decipher the code of depression.
The Ace of Cups came to me as quite a surprise. It's been a long time since I drew another ace, and this is the first other ace I drew from this deck. The energies I am receptive to, is love? It seems paradoxical, as a symptom of my depression is that I don't feel love. It is true that I occasionally experience strong emotional outbursts, which could be where the water element in this card is pointing to. Another possible reason could be that my emotional receptiveness makes me more susceptible to the influence of depression, since what the cards have been telling me so far is that I need more fire element in my life to fight the depression.
Position 3 is how I influence my surroundings, and one possible way of understanding this is the impression which I give others. This is not the first time The Hermit shows himself in such a position. I always seem closed off and introverted to those around me (which is true). With such an aloof appearance, I might be unconsciously sending out messages that I wish to be left alone, when what I really wish for is to be more involved and learning how to. Such contradictions could be another factor contributing to my sorrow.
Last but not least, the 10 of Cups offers me its guidance. The advice given in Mirror of the Soul, is to relax and let things develop. Gratitude and thankfulness is something else they state. It's no surprise if greater expression of gratitude can lift up the depressed man's spirits. While the ace indicates a beginning, the 10 indicates an end. Probably what the cards are saying is to collect that emotional energy which I am receptive to and channel it into positive energy via gratitude.
I think the general lesson to be learnt is to pay more attention to the way I feel, rather than the way I should feel, and how the two factors in positions 2 and 3 contribute to the depressive feelings. Position 4 offers me a solution to rectify this area of me, by greater expression of gratitude.
Focus for tomorrow: 3 of Wands (Virtue)
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
What is my relationship with Natalie like?
Deck Used: Crowley Thoth
Reflection: 6 of Wands (Victory)
Question: What is my relationship with Natalie like?
Spread: 5
1 3 2
4
Cards:
1) Representation of me: 9 of Swords (Cruelty)
2) Representation of Natalie: The Hanged Man
3) Link/Obstacle between us: The Chariot
4) Our collective unconscious: 5 of Cups (Disappointment)
5) Guidance card: The Hierophant
Interpretation: The message of the 9 of Swords is a clear one. I am being extremely cruel to myself with regards to how I could have been but did not, simply because of inexperience and self-doubt. Each time I put myself down I feel like I've distanced myself from her unconsciously. I subjected myself to lovelessness which is probably the core reason on my part why we did not work out at the start. Even today this bad habit persists, but now I have greater awareness.
The Hanged Man, representing Natalie in this spread, puzzles me. The feeling I get is that she was forced into this 'predicament', one where she had 'no control over'. Ah, perhaps that's how she feels on her side? Being pinned in place (unlike The Hanged Men in other decks, freely hanging) to her was probably seen as an unavoidable fate, but as we tarot readers know, the future is not set in stone. The snake hidden away usually indicates loss of touch with our inner wisdom, which in this case I believe is forgetting her power to take control of life. Heck, I'll even admit, I'm guilty of that too.
The Chariot of the Thoth Deck is one which I have unorthodox interpretations of. Usually when I see this card, the first thought in my mind is that the golden armor is a form of closing yourself out from the world, setting up barriers to yourself. Could be referring to me, or even us both. To go along with what SeeYin said, that I tended to distance myself from others, it makes a pretty strong case. My 'distancing' is usually due to extreme focus on something else. The rider on the chariot, pays little heed to the world outside and contemplates deeply on his inner world (crystal sphere).
Card 4 was drawn because initially, cards 1-3 were difficult to link together. This card was the highlight of the entire reading, the 5 of Cups. Disappointment, in myself and my situation now, I always had. But now the position identifies this disappointment together with Natalie, on what could have been. Difference being that I subjected myself to cruelty and she succumbed to pseudo-fate (possibly?). The two hearts, which probably once faced each other, are now dead, devoid of hope. My heart and hers went into 'cardiac depression' when we messed up. This card made me realise that the current situation was not entirely my burden, but it was hers as well.
I decided to draw a guidance card after card 4, where I suddenly felt that there was still hope for a very deep friendship between us. The Hierophant, a truly enlightened being. For the Thoth deck, the description from Mirror of the Soul was that The Hierophant was one who has integrated the different elements in life. In my jargon, one who has found his wholeness of self. Indeed, the unity of dualist parts of me could result in a greater future. Realising both introversion and extroversion, both cruelty and love.
In general, what I realised at the end was that my question was not about me in relation to her, but rather our relationship as an entity. And hence, my cruelty towards self is not just making me feel horrible, but actually affecting our bond. Her succumbing to fate gave me no opening to approach her in the way I once did. Our introversion bonded us with a gap, and our feelings were mutual, if not now, at one point of time. And then The Hierophant...... Perhaps the two of us have some aspects of the psyche which we have not come to terms with and should do so with the help of the other? Or that we should look out for the other side of us we have repressed so as to better communicate? The guidance cards have been blur to me......
Focus for tomorrow: Ace of Wands
Reflection: 6 of Wands (Victory)
Question: What is my relationship with Natalie like?
Spread: 5
1 3 2
4
Cards:
1) Representation of me: 9 of Swords (Cruelty)
2) Representation of Natalie: The Hanged Man
3) Link/Obstacle between us: The Chariot
4) Our collective unconscious: 5 of Cups (Disappointment)
5) Guidance card: The Hierophant
Interpretation: The message of the 9 of Swords is a clear one. I am being extremely cruel to myself with regards to how I could have been but did not, simply because of inexperience and self-doubt. Each time I put myself down I feel like I've distanced myself from her unconsciously. I subjected myself to lovelessness which is probably the core reason on my part why we did not work out at the start. Even today this bad habit persists, but now I have greater awareness.
The Hanged Man, representing Natalie in this spread, puzzles me. The feeling I get is that she was forced into this 'predicament', one where she had 'no control over'. Ah, perhaps that's how she feels on her side? Being pinned in place (unlike The Hanged Men in other decks, freely hanging) to her was probably seen as an unavoidable fate, but as we tarot readers know, the future is not set in stone. The snake hidden away usually indicates loss of touch with our inner wisdom, which in this case I believe is forgetting her power to take control of life. Heck, I'll even admit, I'm guilty of that too.
The Chariot of the Thoth Deck is one which I have unorthodox interpretations of. Usually when I see this card, the first thought in my mind is that the golden armor is a form of closing yourself out from the world, setting up barriers to yourself. Could be referring to me, or even us both. To go along with what SeeYin said, that I tended to distance myself from others, it makes a pretty strong case. My 'distancing' is usually due to extreme focus on something else. The rider on the chariot, pays little heed to the world outside and contemplates deeply on his inner world (crystal sphere).
Card 4 was drawn because initially, cards 1-3 were difficult to link together. This card was the highlight of the entire reading, the 5 of Cups. Disappointment, in myself and my situation now, I always had. But now the position identifies this disappointment together with Natalie, on what could have been. Difference being that I subjected myself to cruelty and she succumbed to pseudo-fate (possibly?). The two hearts, which probably once faced each other, are now dead, devoid of hope. My heart and hers went into 'cardiac depression' when we messed up. This card made me realise that the current situation was not entirely my burden, but it was hers as well.
I decided to draw a guidance card after card 4, where I suddenly felt that there was still hope for a very deep friendship between us. The Hierophant, a truly enlightened being. For the Thoth deck, the description from Mirror of the Soul was that The Hierophant was one who has integrated the different elements in life. In my jargon, one who has found his wholeness of self. Indeed, the unity of dualist parts of me could result in a greater future. Realising both introversion and extroversion, both cruelty and love.
In general, what I realised at the end was that my question was not about me in relation to her, but rather our relationship as an entity. And hence, my cruelty towards self is not just making me feel horrible, but actually affecting our bond. Her succumbing to fate gave me no opening to approach her in the way I once did. Our introversion bonded us with a gap, and our feelings were mutual, if not now, at one point of time. And then The Hierophant...... Perhaps the two of us have some aspects of the psyche which we have not come to terms with and should do so with the help of the other? Or that we should look out for the other side of us we have repressed so as to better communicate? The guidance cards have been blur to me......
Focus for tomorrow: Ace of Wands
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)