How can I heal my heart?

Deck: Crowley Thoth

Question: How can I heal my heart?

Spread:             4               5
                                 6
                            2        3
                                 1

Cards:
1) Root: 10 of Disks (Wealth)
2) Symptom: The Fool
3) Symptom: The Hierophant
4) Required: 6 of Pentacles (Success)
5) Action: Lust
6) Outcome: The Sun

Comments: I know it's been quite a while since I updated, but hey, I really lost my tarot mojo these past two weeks. Its not like I didn't want to. Today, I picked up a new book, Tarot Spreads, by Barbara Moore. It gave inspiration on creating new spreads, and contains huge collection of spreads that I never knew of. It also talked on modifying not just your spreads but your rituals to spice things up, which was just what I needed apparently. I did do a reading before this, but I still found it hard to read, as it was a rather vague 3 card spread. This spread is from the book, the Healing Heart Spread. This one I asked about my general emotional situation, which basically means my depression. I flipped the cards open and the message came to me almost instantly, though it was more intuitive than theoretical. But who cares, I can read again! This reading is major dominated, a welcomed sight after the previous reading which had not even one!

Interpretation: This first card was rather difficult to read, but once I did it, it sorta kick-started the whole process. 10 of Disks, wealth. Initially I was trying to make sense of how Mercury tied in to the root of depression, but then I realised that all I needed was the Qabalistic meaning. 10, on the sphere of the Qabalah, is Malkuth, the most earthly sphere, furthest away from Kether. Being in Disks, this makes the card the most earthly of the 10s, which represents the furthest possible point from godliness. Essentially, I have lost touch with a more spiritual and divine side of life, and this is what is causing the depression.

The first symptom, card 2, is The Fool. In my study of the tarot, I have fallen in love with the fool, for it shows faith and vulnerability. Faith is what kept me going till now, and somehow I think the idea of vulnerability brings about a strength I never knew. Perhaps also this depression has clouded my thinking, making me think that life is meaningless so it wouldn't matter what happened to me in the end, making me jump straight into any situation without care of the dangers, like how the divine fool Dionysus is in this picture.

The second symptom is shown by The Hierophant. This is normally one of my problem cards, but at first sight I sort of got the jist of it. It represented my beliefs. Well, some info on my life, to solve this spiritual void that I feel, I have sought numerous solutions. Hedonism, Buddhism, Nihilism, Philosophy, Psychology, just to name a few. Such changing beliefs is a result of searching for a cure.

6 of Disks, did not use any theoratical explanation at all. Upon seeing the name Success, I knew what the card meant. I needed progress, affirmation, etc. to drive me to go on. To make me feel better of myself. Now just to add a bit of Qabalistic theory into the reading, sphere of 6, Tiphareth, is said to be the most godly state achievable in the material world. Tiphareth is also said to be your higher self, whereas Malkuth is your normal self. Thus, is the card suggesting a union with my higher self?

The Lust card. I like the Lust card. It symbolises the strength from expressing your purest, most natural desire. Expression of your natural true self, as opposed to oppression of your personality, like this goody two shoe religions tell you. Indeed, such an action taken will lead me to a greater connection to my higher self, bringing me from Malkuth to Tiphareth.

The Sun concludes this reading wonderfully. The Sun is brimming with energy, masculine fire energy. It symbolises self expression, which is what I predicted to be the result of the Lust card. The Sun can also be seen right above The Fool's crotch, which symbolises sexual creative energy. Tiphareth, which is the higher self, connected with by the means of self expression, is the sphere of The Sun, and thus its appearance in the outcome position gives me great hope.

In conclusion, the general message is to gain a higher connection with the higher self through self expression.

Notes: When typing the first sentence of the 10 of Disks, I made a ridiculous yet synchronicitic typo. "This girl card was rather difficult to read......" How funny.

It's been long since I felt I did a good job for a reading! The main problem I had was with card drawing. I wasn't confident about fanning the cards and choosing some, and the stress of choosing a card wrongly ate into my energy. This time I simply cut the deck and took the top card each time. Didn't refer to any books for this reading so it is truly an intuitive one!