The Celtic Cross That Opened My Eyes

Deck: The Divine Tarot

Question: What is my current situation? (General)

Spread:                   3          10
                         5 1X2 6       9
                              4           8
                                           7

Cards:
1) Heart of the Matter: The Tower
2) Hindrance: 6 of Coins
3) Conscious Thoughts: Knight of Coins
4) Unconscious Thoughts: The Emperor
5) The Past/Receding Influence: 10 of Wands
6) The Future/Coming Influence: King of Swords
7) My Influence: 2 of Sword
8) External Factors: 3 of Cups
9) Guidance: 10 of Cups
10) Outcome: The Fool
11) Shadow: Queen of Coins

Comments: This was something I threw out when I was in a terrible mood, and was mentally blocked, unable to read anything. The reason why I post this is because I understood the spread as it showed me aspects of my life that came on that day itself. From now on, I'm also going to try to include a shadow card to each spread, i.e. bottom card of deck, represents unknown factors.

Interpretation: The tower. I definitely was in for a rude awakening. I got sort of close to this girl I know. But then came in this other guy, who seemed incapable. But suddenly the tides changed, something I never believed possible. This crossed by the 6 of coins, gives me the impression that I was unsure if I wanted to go through with her despite, or simply lay low. A friend of mine had an interesting interpretation to this: 自己自身难保还拔刀相助, meaning I can't even protect myself, yet I still try to protect others. In a sense this is a bit more general, that I want to help people with the tarot yet I can't even help myself......

Knight of Coins, not much to comment on. My first interpretation is that I am unsure of how to use my resources.

The Emperor in this spread is my father. More on that later.

In the past I was the man in the 10 of wands, always trying to achieve too much. this burden, I have carried on to my present. In the future though, I will be in more control of my thoughts and logic, which means fewer self-sabotaging thoughts.

How I seem myself, the two of swords. Blinded form what is, and blocked off from it as well. As to how others see me, I'm not sure of an interpretation yet, generally a cheery and easy to talk to person?

Advice, 10 of cups. Here is where stuff gets good. 10 of cups is generally a family card, but I really can't stand my family. Yet I was so upset that I simply had to cry to my father (the emperor! Apparently someone I yearn for). And as he spoke I suddenly gained clarity as to most of the events that lead up to where I was now (the 10 wands I carried from before up till now). And then, his exact words, we can correct everything, and then start anew. The fool, anyone?

An unknown factor is the 10 of coins. My first thought was, is this a side of her? Probably not. All I could say is that she's someone I know but haven't fully realised what we are.

Interesting spread.

Notes: When I laid this out, the tower crossed by 6 of coins most caught my attention. Later that day, when I was to do a 1 card reading to see if a friend would turn up, 6 of coins was a jumper, and I picked the tower!!!

A Realisation From The Unconscious

Deck: Rider Waite Smith

Question: What is the main source of depressive feelings currently?

Spread:                   3          10
                         5 1X2 6       9
                              4           8
                                           7

Cards:
1) Heart of the Matter: The Lovers
2) Hindrance: The High Priestess
3) Conscious Thoughts: 2 of Cups
4) Unconscious Thoughts: The Empress
5) The Past/Receding Influence: 8 of Swords
6) The Future/Coming Influence: 5 of Cups
7) My Influence: 8 of Wands
8) External Factors: Knight of Cups
9) Guidance: Knight of Wands
10) Outcome: 9 of Wands

Jumpers: None

Comments: I've been growing a bit more upset, which means greater realisations. I've come back to believing that my belief system causes me my greatest hindrance, and it shows in the spread!

Interpretation: Heart of the matter we have the lovers, communication with others. This is what I wish to improve on, and here it is crossed by unconscious factors! Probably my poor belief system is to blame. The belief that I can never communicate well. The belief that I will not attract love. the belief that I was born to be alone. And so many more......

Conscious thought preoccupied with 2 of cups. Indeed, I am consciously looking for love. And am not doing well finding it. Failure to seize multiple opportunities with Nat is something that has hauntingly replayed in my mind since forever. I get very short but frequent bursts of negative emotions when I'm tired, and most of them come from recalling such failures. But maybe, love is not exactly what I need. The empress suggests that I am unconscious of my real want, which is simply feminine care and love. Not necessarily in a sexual or romantic way I guess, just, care. Quite true, seeing how my mother was the one who drilled me with these poor beliefs and debauched my anima. Maybe a change in thinking would help.

With deeper insights, comes liberation from restricting thought. This realisation of my true need takes me 1 step, no matter how small, towards full enlightenment. Influence of 8 of swords is slowly but surely receding. What is to come, however, is but disappointment, sad to say. In hopes my expanding my relationships with another, I may face rejection. Maybe a search for relationship rather than simple affection is the problem. Yet if this disappointment means being liberated from my depressing beliefs, I would gladly receive a thousand rejections from a thousand different Nats. (Maybe a thousand is too many :P Lets say a hundred?)

8 of Wands is one of those few cards still posing a problem for me. I guess here, I see myself as someone who is rash? Hasty? Constantly working without rest (more likely 10 of wands)? I'm not clear. Knight of cups is now others see me, and I can't blame them for seeing me that way. The way I behave around Nat, after that incident, its just abnormal. I always look so distressed and uneasy, and most of the time I actually am!

Advice is to turn that knightly volatile energy into creating change. Just do it. I'm not sure how, though, and the outcome of it shows me as the man in the 9 of wands, injured but still standing proudly. I guess that expression of suppressed energy would relieve depression a fair bit. 5 of cups as an incoming influence may be what leads to the 9 of wands, in which case, may not be a completely bad thing...... Perhaps the knight of wands is telling me to hasten this process? Yet I am laden with fear......

Conclusion: A depression question becomes to directed towards Nat and love in general. Definitely a root cause. I ain't sure how to follow advice to become a knight of wands, so maybe I should start small, with my beliefs and focus. Or maybe by just doing it, I would resolve those issues? Dilemmas......